the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize