i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dick very happy bro
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
