That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
