I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
