when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
