If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
