I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
