im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
