i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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