I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
