Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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