Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
