dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
