Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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