If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
