I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
