I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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