So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Buhtt sex?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
