I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
