I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
