She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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