Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk is not a location!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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