Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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