Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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