everyone is single if you try hard enough
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
