We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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