can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
