ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize