I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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