i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
