But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
