GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
