I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
