i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
