there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
