I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
