Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
