For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
