dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
