i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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