Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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