can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
