All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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