im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
