i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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