It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
