remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just had sex bonerless
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
