Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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