First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
