btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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