I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
