I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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