It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
