btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
