She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
