thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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