is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
