So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
