I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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