he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
