cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
