I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
