Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
