genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
