At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
