What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize