I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
