I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
this will be a night to untag.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
