how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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