Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this boner is exhausting
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
