Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
