Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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