That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
