**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
