wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Randomize
