just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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