I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
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Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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