Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
