I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
