Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You took a bar mat shot.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
