You smell like stripper and shame
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
