wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There r osticjed everywhere
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
