Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
