Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
