i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
