Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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